In My Weakness

21 Jun

Have you ever experienced a time when you were hit hard out of the clear blue sky?! I mean like you feel as if the wind was knocked out of your sails?!

Maybe life seemed to be going great for you. You were happy and encouraged. You felt the nearness of the presence of God. But then……it all seemed to vanish in an instant. In a split second, you were stunned. In a moment, you were confused. In a twinkling of an eye, your soul was in the dumps of despair.

Hmmm……maybe I’m the only one that goes through times like these but I think not.

Anyway, I was hit hard just recently. My attitude and feelings that came out because of it showed me the wickedness of my heart. For quite awhile, I had been praying for a friend. This friend had hurt me very deeply in the past yet I knew it was the right thing for me to pray that God would bless this person in their life every time I thought about them. Well, I found out that God had just blessed this person in an amazing way. A way that would have made anyone super happy. However, instead of rejoicing that not only had God answered my prayer but God had allowed this person to experience immense joy from His hand!

In an instant, I started to cry. I was jealous and upset. Apparently, it was easier to verbally ask God to bless instead of truly meaning it from my heart. Immediately, I felt anger rise in my heart – an anger towards God. It became so strong that it started to take away my ability to cry. As I sat on the floor in my room with a ton of thoughts swirling through my heart, I knew emphatically that if I allowed this anger to fester it would greatly affect my spiritual life. I knew I would grow discouraged, discontented, bitter, and lose all my joy and peace that I found in Christ alone.

I knew my heart had to become right with God. I made a feeble attempt to pray and just kept trying even though I could barely get any words out of my mouth. I opened my Bible and started reading and then tried to pray some more. Within minutes, God in His mercy met me. Looking back I feel like I experienced a healing of my heart – an instant miracle. My anger vanished and I came back to the place of being deeply, madly, and passionately in love with Jesus all over again! It was amazing.

I see how the love of God is indescribable, incomprehensible, and unconditional. It makes me want to love Him all the more! Despite how sinful I can be, my Lord is so ready to forgive, cleanse, and renew.

So, if you’re anything like me and have struggles in your life at times, if you feel the pressures of life hitting so hard it’s taking your breath away, remember this. God is walking with you through it all. He will never leave you or forsake you. He will give you the grace you need, the strength to trust Him, and the ability to rise above in His strength when your weakness seems so ready to prevail!

God is Good!

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7 Responses to “In My Weakness”

  1. Julia Woodfield June 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    Praying for you!!!

  2. Crystal June 21, 2011 at 2:27 pm #

    Thank you so much for sharing this~ and no, you are not the only one! :o)

  3. cypress1948 June 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

    WOW ! Powerful! Thanks for the post !

  4. Shannon June 21, 2011 at 7:12 pm #

    I needed this right now…. thanks.

  5. April June 21, 2011 at 7:15 pm #

    Thank you for sharing this Sara!!! And you not the only one, times like those hit close to home for me too! love you lots. -April

  6. cypress1948 June 23, 2011 at 8:02 am #

    I felt that I needed to add to my reply that I have had expirences like that also. A long time later, after analizing it , reading stuff and talking to others, I determined ,(at least for me) , that my feelings of jellously and envy was because I felt cheated , and that I was denied things that I wanted. Later, inspite of this I realized that I HAD been blessed!! God HAD given me oppurtinies in life and that I HAVE been blessed!!

  7. Erica July 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm #

    I had a very similar experience recently – I received a sum of money, (for which I worked very hard,) and was planning to spend it on X. But the Lord has another idea for this money, a use I don’t particularly agree with and a purchase I don’t want to have to make! Instead of praising God for His provision and mercy, I’m filled with anger and upset that I can’t do with it what I think I should.

    I’m hoping and praying for a miracle of peace and healing like you received.

    I have followed your blog for years but never posted. We live in the same vicinity although I am nowhere near your spiritual maturity. Thank you for the honesty and openness you have always had on your blog.

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