What to Look for in a Husband

22 Apr

This seems to be a hot topic here at the Institute. After all, what young lady doesn’t want to find her Mr. Right?! 🙂

Mr. Gothard is in the process of revising his courtship booklet so we’ve been blessed to receive a lot of teaching on the subject of courtship and marriage. Marriage is the ultimate test of character development and relationship skills. We’ve learned that there are three primary requirements that every man ought to be able to demonstrate in his life before he is ready for marriage. If these three things are lacking, he will not be able to be able to give himself unselfishly to the woman he seeks to be his wife.


heartHave you ever wondered why God created Adam first and time elapsed before he saw that it was not good that he be alone and then formed Eve? This was because Adam needed to know how to love God will all of his heart before he could love his wife. In marriage, there must be a total love for God and your spouse unhindered by competing affections. The man is a channel of God’s love not the source. If he is loving through his own ability, he will fail miserably and not be able to meet the needs of his wife. By loving God first and foremost (above all else), it will enable him to demonstrate the power to LOVE the young lady in a perfect way. Both parties are ready for marriage when they realize that they are to demonstrate the relationship between Christ and His church.


God blesses our lives in order that we might be able to give back to Him and others. In the garden, the temptation came when they saw that the forbidden fruit was good for them. The sin resulted in their desire in wanting to be a ‘taker’. They were looking out for their own selfish benefit instead of looking to the Lord for all their needs. So, a future mate ought to be willing to lay down his life for his wife. He ought to be willing to give her everything and seek to build her up spiritually. His love should outweigh his own desires and ought to be demonstrated in an unselfish and unconditional way.


Without discernment, one is a simple fool. Discretion is a result of discernment. Satan wanted Adam and Eve to adopt a different law system by tempting them with a different and new discernment: “Ye shall not surely die: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.” (Gen. 3:4&5). To have a heart of discernment, one must be seeking after God and knowing Him as the source of all wisdom. Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth.” If a young man is not focused on God before marriage, he won’t be focused after marriage. If anything, his outlook will take a turn for the wost because he will have extra responsibilities and pressures that he’s never experienced before. This will result in bad choices and decisions.

Christ has commanded that husbands love their wives by the washing of water by the word (Eph. 5:24&25). As a young man pursues wholly after Christ and then enters into a relationship with a young woman, his responsibility is to wash her with the Word. In this way, a bond that is so intense is formed that it is unbreakable because their spirits are so closely knit together. As he washes her with the Word, he is cleansing her from any hurts, lies, problems, and issues she may be facing from day to day making her spotless and without blemish just for him in the days ahead.

I thought this point was rather significant and insightful. There is no individual that is perfect. When a man loves a woman and has a deep rooted love for God, he will be able to love the woman and seek to help, restore, and encourage her in the ways of God despite any inadequacies she may exhibit. He will graciously work in making her beautiful on the inside through compassion and kindness. This is true love demonstrated in a Christ-like way.

Remember girls, that we won’t be able to recognize these three powers (the power of love, the power to give, and the power to discern) if we are lacking them in our own lives. Andknight_in_shining_armor there is nothing more disgraceful than a woman without discretion: “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” (Provers 11:22)

Let’s learn to seek after God with all of our hearts and start demonstrating the power of love, the power to give, and the power to discern so that we might be ready and complete for when Mr. Right comes riding up on his steed! 🙂


3 Responses to “What to Look for in a Husband”

  1. Lois April 22, 2009 at 4:53 pm #

    What a great blog! Thanks for visiting mine! I am also a PK!!! And live in Eastern PA, 30 miles north of Allentown. How did you find my blog? Need to go back and re-read today’s post!!!

  2. Elizabeth April 22, 2009 at 6:21 pm #

    Sara, this is such a good post.

  3. Gwendolen April 24, 2009 at 12:30 am #

    Wow. God is good! I just got done listening to a sermon on marriage (on a randomly chosen webcast from my church), after having prayed seriously about my desire for a husband earlier… And now your post! Just the right thing at the right time. Thank you!

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